25th day, resentments, living memories

what does the big book say about ‘resentments,?

“Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.” A person mired in resentment has scant chances of recovering from addiction. And remember that many forms of addiction left unchecked are fatal.”

I am mired when I ‘re-send’ again and again; redesign a strong and hateful memory ( or memories, but if in plural, in a multitude, they are all connected to one central, rooted radix one, / one deeply hidden resentment, memory.

I have so many of these living memories that I can’t find the centre, the one radix. The radical one that needs the others.

Is it when I was eight and my mother found her high heel shoe and swung the heel on my head and I bleed to my eyes?

Or when I had Barbara tell me as I was leaving the apartment with her parents there, that she loved another, but she still loved me, and I grabbed her by the throat and swung her to the backed against the white door and lifted her and said, never say that, those, these words to me again?

Or when another told me, I will always be there for you, emotionally, physically, spiritually and they also withheld their unfaithfulness to me, and then, later, chocked tearful words like Barbara’s to me?

Is it when your birthday is forgotten?

Or when childten grow up and forget you, daily?

Or…

Can I rid myself of them, their daily entrances and exits, by writing them them and sending them to another?

Writing helps to keep their breedings style bay.

I see them and note that they can be put out of my spirit, my soul and being, and sent to this abyss.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s