Charles& Priscilla NYC lulu St Patrick’s Day 2020

charlie & Priscilla St Patrick’s Day in NYC lulu…


Today, there is a slight misty mountain like rain in NYC. From the cold last night, we awoke today to Charlotte, grand daughter age 7 and grand son Samuel 9, Cuckoo cries for Coca Puffs…
( sorry for all the cultural references above😎)
NYC is closed down from schools to bars and restaurants ( a good closure on the bars as today is St Patrick’s day and … ‘muff said) to movies and to hospitals as they restructure ( my needed right knee surgery is postponed ) …
But Priscilla and I are happy as she is in full ‘grandma mode’…cooking pancakes with chocolate chips and marshmallows and whipped cream! ( no problems with food supplies here) ……(( and we will have pictures at charlesosewalt.com) )
So, my doctor called me yesterday and gave me the option of having surgery this week, as opposed to 27 March, as all ‘elective’ surgeries after this week will not occur till a later date. We are a little busy this week and I need some more time to sort out some personal details. I choose a later date TBD.
This will be my third surgery on this leg and I am a little discouraged but still hopeful as returning to travel, especially the UK, London, Scotland and to infinities and beyond.
And my writing is going consistently well ( I believe) and I hope to publish a new work by 1 May.
Priscilla is thriving in her Bible Study Fellowships and her art work. She is so consistently faithful. ( I will also post her art images at charlesosewalt.com)
As we age, eyes legs, shoulders, toes may fail.But our hearts are our Lord’s; and we are His.
In closing, someone, a close close friend, sent us an email saying, asking, are you in need of anything? Please ask, as you are family?’
Family, our only ‘need’ is to hear from you that you are well.
As our dear friends from New Zealand always said goodbye in their closing to us

Much, much love
Charlie and I have been reflecting on Titus this passage; His generosity…
‘At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. 8 This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.’ Titus 3

breathes: Acts 9, part b-Ananias

the second part on my Acts 9 reflection on Ananias….“breathes…”

“The Lord told him (Ananias), “Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying. 12 In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight.”
13 “Lord,” Ananias answered, “I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your holy people in Jerusalem. 14 And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name.”

He, Ananias, can’t breathe- can’t move from his house till finally… he breathes…

He, Ananias, sitting in his home, frightened, loving his Lord, breathes his response to His Lord, facts…

In his heart.. Ananias, first, speaks to himself…

‘God knows, creates and has created all facts; all life; He allows all Saul’s breathes to come to life. And He, my Lord, both commands and explains what I should do, and do in faith….’

15 But the Lord said to Ananias, “Go! This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel. 16 I will show him how much he must suffer for my name.”
17 Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul,

Ananias embraces what he feared. He holds Saul. A brother.

“…he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” 18 Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, 19 and after taking some food, he regained his strength.”

Once again, Ananias can breathe; and he can embrace; once he speaks his fears to God; he can touch hold his fear; speak, call a murderous foe ‘brother.’ Why? And How is Ananias like you and me?

We fear and do not pause; we take short rapid breathes; we isolate and do not speak …

Today, Embrace fears today Be as an Ananias
…breathe… take and feel breathes…

Breathe

breathes, Acts 9

In this first of two reflections on breathe, life, I would like to look not at Saul/Paul’s conversion with a focus on the man Ananias, a man of breathe…

We start with verse 10 of Acts 9; with a man called by God, Ananias …

10 ‘In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision, “Ananias!”

“Yes, Lord,” he answered.’

‘ …he answered…’

Ananias was called by God to help Saul… he was frightened; his emotions overflowed and were on the verge of controlling him, stopping him from helping Saul…why,,. Because of Saul’s breath, his bad, murderous breathe….

“Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He went to the high priest 2 and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. 3 As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. 4 He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”

5 “Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked.

“I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied. 6 “Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.”

7 The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone. 8 Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. 9 For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.

10 In Damascus there was a little Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord’s disciples. He went to the high priest 2 and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. 3 As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. 4 He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”

5 “Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked.

“I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied. 6 “Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.”

7 The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless;they heard the sound but did not see anyone. 8 Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. 9 For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.”

The men travelling with Saul are ‘speechless’; they are without words; they are only breathe. But Ananias, he can use his breathe to speak; to respond; to answer…

10 In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision, “Ananias!”

“Yes, Lord,” he answered.”


Use on breathe to answer today; answer His call. Listen, respond; answer.

singing, Luke 2, a draft, 56

from the message,

Luke 2 Simeon sings praises; sees & prophesies, salvation 

He is at the end and sings at one moment, with all his voices, his spirit and self… years of waiting, words 
19-20 Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they’d been told!

Blessings

21 When the eighth day arrived, the day of circumcision, the child was named Jesus, the name given by the angel before he was conceived.

22-24 Then when the days stipulated by Moses for purification were complete, they took him up to Jerusalem to offer him to God as commanded in God’s Law: “Every male who opens the womb shall be a holy offering to God,” and also to sacrifice the “pair of doves or two young pigeons” prescribed in God’s Law.

25-32 In Jerusalem at the time, there was a man, Simeon by name, a good man, a man who lived in the prayerful expectancy of help for Israel. And the Holy Spirit was on him. The Holy Spirit had shown him that he would see the Messiah of God before he died. Led by the Spirit, he entered the Temple. As the parents of the child Jesus brought him in to carry out the rituals of the Law, Simeon took him into his arms and blessed God:

God, you can now release your servant;
    release me in peace as you promised.
With my own eyes I’ve seen your salvation;
    it’s now out in the open for guyeveryone to see:
A God-revealing light to the non-Jewish nations,
    and of glory for your people Israel.

33-35 Jesus’ father and mother were speechless with surprise at these words. Simeon went on to bless them, and said to Mary his mother,

“This child marks both the failure and
    the recovery of many in Israel,
A figure misunderstood and contradicted—
    the pain of a sword-thrust through you—
But the rejection will force honesty,
    as God reveals who they really are.”

first, we sing, then, we see

for you, 57

in the very present-

‪the super bowl 2020 in a word: time. At 8 minutes the KC Chiefs went into a ‘hurry up’ offense. Kyle, 49er coach, before the half, went slow … no time outs… slow … sorry … tortoises, you never beat, never feel, love, hares

59, thoughts, washings

in my mfa class with donald barthleme 1975 (or there another) I wrote, 1975

‘ I want to compose, write, make blue for you.’

from Gass’ book on being blue, to the dead father by donald, I never completed our design

silent stones, gifts from 3 Kings’ Day, 6 january

silent stones, gifts from 3 Kings’ Day

my lovely wife, Priscilla, desires a New York holiday with her daughters after our trip to Florida with Deirdra and her 3 children. On King’s day I heard these stones, silent stones,

Elisabeth in conversation about lupus told Priscilla, her mother, 

  •  Deirdra in Tampa, Florida, has more ‘than one bald spot’ at the at the back of her head; she has multiple lesions

Priscilla did not know.

  • Sarah, the middle of the three sisters, told Priscilla that she ‘had to stop running …her legs, toes, big, small are, were ‘hurting so’

We did not know.

  • Elisabeth mentioned that her Whole30 plus diet was ‘helping with her inflammation’. She has arthritis and lupus. 

We know.

so…
Deirdra, her youngest, never spoke about her lesions; and Priscilla never asked about her bald spot.
Sarah never asks; does not respond to texts. Her mail ‘box is full.’
Elisabeth, the oldest, a nurse who supports family care givers, is very busy and tired from her children’s and husband’s cares; works and graduate school. She struggles to call, but we can imagine.
They give what they can: silent stones.
And each of these silences was, is, like a Samuel Beckett stone, a silent stone.
In Beckett’s ‘Molloy’ (his title character) describes his attachment to 16 stones, 
“Taking a stone from the right pocket of my greatcoat, and putting it in my mouth, I replaced it in the right pocket of my greatcoat by a stone from the right pocket of my trousers, which I replaced by a stone from the left pocket of my trousers, which I replaced by a stone from the left pocket of my greatcoat, which I replaced by the stone which was in my mouth, as soon as I had finished sucking it. Thus there were still four stones in each of my four pockets, but not quite the same …”

For Beckett’s Molloy,  the process of moving a  stone from pocket to pocket to pocket to mouth and back to pocket is life: move, remove, suck, absorb, replace and move again. What are these stones? Why this process?

I can’t and won’t answer for another, including Beckett. For myself, the stones are my memories, objects and  items;  absences and silences. They haunt me; they absorb as they speak or rest. They are silent though. And  I can not speak with them within me; within my mouth. Silent. And I can’t hear either as I focus in on their movement from pocket to hand to mouth and back to pocket. Only they matter. Or  do they matter? They don’t. 

They don’t. Not as long as I can not speak or hear. And I can’t this 3 King’s Day. I echo Molloy here, 

Deep down it was all the same to me whether I sucked a different stone each time or always the same stone, until the end of time. For they all tasted exactly the same. And if I had collected sixteen, it was not in order to ballast myself in such and such a way, or to suck them turn about, but simply to have a little store, so as never to be without. But deep down I didn’t give a fiddler’s curse about being without, when they were all gone they would be all gone, I wouldn’t be any the worse off, or hardly any. And the solution to which I rallied in the end was to throw away all the stones but one, which I kept now in one pocket, now in another, and which of course I soon lost, or threw away, or gave away, or swallowed…

Silent stones are about me-may ‘never’ being with and never ‘being without.’ It doesn’t matter which, as long as there is silence.

silent stones.