8, ‘having had’

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs’ Step 12

having had’:

what has me? what do I have? what holds me? in my hands, what am I holding? ….clinging to, caressing, touching gently, sharing?

Step 12 is about both speaking words of encouragement and care; challenge and understanding. It is about listening, hearing, others. After deeply, listening, hearing, deeply, then I can speak and act; serve and assist others in their recovery.

Ask yourself: how can I serve another, myself?

Each of us is gifted and not all of us are ‘clone gifted’. Not all alike, we are gifted to give in diverse ways. And we are are gifted to give, step with, others.

So, how am I gifted to serve? What had me and what do I have to give? I am gifted to live this step by listening, deeply hearing, others. And after hearing I am to encourage and act; empathetically, I step for a few moments into their shoes and I give by understanding.

And, then, my hands and mouth, my fingers and tongue, I pray for them. I hand them over to my higher power, Jesus, and trust he will heal them with love.

He’s has them. He had them all the way. He holds,

9, ‘live’

from “Living Sober”,

‘it is perfectly natural that we still encounter some people who get on our nerves, both within AA and outside it. We may find that our non-AA friends, co-workers, or family members still treat us as if we were drinking. (It may take them a little while to believe that we have reallystopped. After all, they may have seen us stop many times in the past, only to start again.)
To begin to put the concept of “Live and Let Live” into practice, we must face this fact: There are people in A.A, and everywhere else, who sometimes say things we disagree with, or do things we don’t like. Learning to live with differences is essential to our comfort. It is exactly in those cases that we have found it extremely helpful to say to ourselves, “Oh, well, ‘Live and Let Live.'”’

As I start Step 12, my step here is to serve people. But that service may with the people I am with who I resent, don’t like, who rub, move me in wrong ways or whom I do the same to. How can I focus on service if I resent?

Later in ‘Living Sober’ the writer this me an answer that I find super helpful,

Let live”—yes. But some of us find just as much value in the first part of the slogan: “Live”!

Live. Focus on my life choices. live.

10, promises

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

  1. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
  2. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
  3. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
  4. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
  5. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
  6. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
  7. Self-seeking will slip away.
  8. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
  9. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
  10. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
  11. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves
    Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us – sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
    Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84
    Reprinted from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous with permission of A.A.

Psalm 70, a prayer of David, to his Higher power opens,

“Make haste, O God, to deliver me!
O Lord, make haste to help me!” There is an desperate cry, plea here. AA knows our Higher Power can come quickly, and also slowly. But the sealing prayer at the end of these 12 promises is, he comes.

Do the steps faithfully, and he comes.

11, step twelve

What am I responsible for? to, with?

I am only responsible for the second thought and the action we I take. Why? My initial and fearful response may arise more from habit than necessity. In time, I pray to learn that when I am feeling paralyzed and overwhelmed, and probably, surely, complicating matters- then I am rescuing; iI am taking on more than I can handle for this moment or this day.
Longtimers reminds us, “we may not like the situation we are in, but thanks to the We Program and our collective Higher Power, we are empowered to like ourselves in the situation. By not picking-up the first autopiloted and reactionary stinking-thinking of, “shoot-first and aim-later,” we are being Iiberated from the vicious cycle and bondage of regret, guilt, shame and remorse. We are blessed.

I give thanks to Longtimers for empowering me to filter any situation with the three stanzas of the Serenity Prayer as “first thing first” so I can turn over what belongs to God, and pray to be granted the courage to change the things I can by using the slogans and the collective wisdom of the We Program.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.

Or, as it was first composed with ‘must’, for ‘us,’

Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other.

Lord, grant me to discern the differences between what I can do, and what I must change.

As I begin step 12, I need to know, discern how is life must be letting of God in.


Step 12 on my 12th day share: ‘Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.’ The last 12 shares of this 90 part share begins today.

Step 12 is about service. It seems to be, on the surface, about giving to, serving another, others.

In reality, in my life, it is about serving myself. I give, serve another; I serve, give to myself.


As we, I, end my shares on Step 11, consider how the ‘big book’ asks us to begin each day,

‘On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Be¬ fore we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these condi¬tions we can employ our mental faculties with as¬surance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don’t struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.

What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made con¬scious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of in¬spiration. We come to rely upon it.’

I like the way the ‘big book’ separates in¬spiration. Our step, our works, in – spire is, in spirits us.

Recently, per the leading/writings of the Greek Bishop Anthony Bloom, I have been using the ending of the Lord’s Prayer to begin my day, ‘ Deliver us from evil.’ ( book “Living Prayer” )

His point: prayer and mediations are dangerous and difficult work. We are asking our Higher Power, God, to deliver.

Step 11 is a danger filled step. Yet, not to take it is to enter, to stay in, even a more dangerous place. Our, my self.


broken, broke,

a poem ‘teapots’ 1

when others looked at you, me, they saw

teapots in fragments, broken, coloured shards, light spring green, a magenta a

deepen black but, black even in its


they told me not to marry you, your voice would always be speaking, requesting, demands, gently but never

hearing or


I like running my hands over edges, my hurt heart; my broken leg – rubbing it softly, gently to ease the pains, believing in kindness, doftness



As you change by working Step 11; pray, a genesis, a new beginning prayer,


Let me step out of the formless and empty abyss,

Into the fullness of a new and happy beginning.

15,… pray, think step 11

‘ pray…THINK” before translating a decision into action. “Is it thoughtful? Is it honest? Is it important? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Any action or expression we make toward another comes back to us. Maybe not today, but it assuredly returns: we do sow what we reap, if we treat others hatefully, or with disdain and suspicion, we eventually get the same in return. And we can also have a love-filled, affirming life if we willingly, gladly, and honestly offer our love to others with no conditions. We can bring only ourselves misery or happiness through our actions. With the help of our Higher Power, we can sow only what we want reap. It is a small decision to turn within for guidance. Although it takes practice to remember to let our Higher Power direct our actions, it will become a habit in time—the healthiest habit we will ever develop.


16, holding, clinging, clenching, no, bless

from Charles and Wassie, Namaste!

“Hearing the voice of recovery reminds us that we cannot hurt another person without hurting ourselves. Any thought we choose to hold that is not blessing someone harms us as much as the other person. Our Twelve Step program offers us freedom from this bondage every time we contemplate the Third Step. Letting God take charge of our will promise us freedom from harmful actions and thoughts. “

…and Step 11 , “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” In our Step 3 we give our life’s and will over to God. In Step 11 we seek, seek, through spoken and unspoken prayer, though listening meditations, stillness, to understand how we are to turn our life and will to, over to him. Steps 3 and 11 is my how to.

today, let us, let me