above is a link to the 12 & 12, step 9. The chapter begins,
“Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”
After completing Step 8—made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all—the next logical step is to make those amends if possible, and the suggestion is to do so
While the key word here is ‘direct’, only I, you, can define what direct is, means to us.
To me it means face to face. But for me to do a ‘face to face.’ I need people in my support network, a sponsor, a dear friend to be on call for me after I do the amends for a deep debrief. They must know the context of my amends; the reasons why and what does direct amend means or does not mean to me. And hopefully, they are able to walk in two shoes, mine and the harmed party, at the same time.
In other words, the skill by ‘wingman’ needs is a deep ability and skill for active listening. And as a character value, they need the quality of empathy – a character quality I lost during my drinking or I wouldn’t have hurt others so. ( though, as I reflect, I may not have lost empathy but had my empathic quality increase so much that I could not stop feeling, and this started continually drinking – I definitely was, am, emotional drinker. )
As I proceed on my amends journey, I have also included those whom I harmed before the drink. A Kathy. And all must have the best fate effort from me on my party to listen to them emphatically.
This is so painful and hard for me to do, I need my working sober network in place as I go ‘steppin’ 9. Why?
So I fo not run with my emotions back to the drink.
I am still stepping 9 this day. Writing these personal blogs are my steps, my stepping, my living amend to myself. My prayer.